| Okay, so I'm gonna try this whole online journal thing. I'd say it won't last long, though, because i can't even keep up w/ my OFFLINE journal. I enjoyed my day off today...even though i would've rather it'd been tomorrow...But i got to sleep in, then go to FPS practice where my mind was boggled and filled with stuff about nanotechnology (whoohoo!! =P) and then a few hours off and then dance team. (how do you spell PAR-TAY?!) *rolls eyes* I can already tell i'm going to ramble on here. Right now, I'm typing this and talking to PJ, Jared, Damien, Jasmine, and Britta. haha the only people i talk to frequently. Hmm...now i'm getting bored w/ this because i'm not sure what to say. Hmmm, i guess i could go on and put what i wanted to wait and do at the end, because i know this is gonna go absolutely nowhere.
First off, a song:
It was so right
It was so wrong
Almost at the same time
The pain and ache
A heart can take
No one really knows
But when the memories cling and keep you there
Till you no longer care
You can let go now
It's wrong for me
To cling to you
Somehow I just needed time
From what was to be
It's not like me
To hold somebody down
But I was tossed high by love
Almost never came down
Only to land here
Where love is no longer found
Where I'm no longer bound
I can let go now
Who this is to, you know who you are. I'm going to be inpersonal kinda like you were  because at least on here i can think everything through first. Okay, first off, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when i said majority of the stuff i did. I did make it an issue, but do you see kinda why i did? I'm more confused than anything right now. I'm scared, I'm confused, and i'm torn. I know it's not healthy for me to dwell in the past, and i'm not. It's just, i don't know what to do. I don't know how you feel, other than what you put on your site. I'm scared to bring up what happened the other night. But there are SO many questions that have been left unanswered, and i really want them to be answered. I was half tempted to tell you on Saturday to forget this whole thing, and to never talk to me again...but you know i couldn't have done that after what you sent last night. I know we both said things we regret, and if you don;t, don't get mad because i'm assuming that you did. But i want to know what you were thinking, and what you are now. And *someone* said that you are confused too...and i want to help clear that up as much as i wanna clear up my own confusion. You know everything i say contradicts w/ how i feel, or vice versa. Even though i'm "attached" it still hurt when you said some of that. it REALLY hurt. I care for you so much, even if i do tell myself it's like a brotherly love. I'm not sure, because i can't hear what my heart is saying sometimes over my head, and i can't hear my head over my heart screaming at me. so i don't know right now....  All i need is to talk to you about all of this, but i don't know how to bring it up...i'm afraid stuff will be said again...
i'm starting to ramble and repeat what i've already said, so i'm going to go on and leave you with yet another song or two because i found lots that say how i feel.
Blu Cantrell
I'll Find A Way
The promise of love
It came from my heart
Thought all that we shared
Would last forever
So where did things go wrong
What happened that made things fall apart
Why I just don't know
It's so hard to let go of someone
I used to call my own
Chorus
But I'll find a way
I'll get over you one day
I'll find a way
I'm gonna deal with all this pain
I'll find a way
'Cause I know that somewhere
My soul mate is waiting for me
Gonna make it through the day
I'll find a way
Silence gets so intense
Without you to share a word
I really miss your presence
This loneliness feels awkward
But I won't call you I refuse
I'd rather lay here by myself in the dark
Crying my heart out
I wish these tears could erase
All the memories of you but they can't
Chorus
'Cause what hurts today
In time will fade away
When you told me good-bye
I felt so betrayed
Find the courage
To move on
One day I'll replace
The precious love I lost
But I'll find a way
I'll get over you one day
I'll find a way
I'm gonna deal with all this pain
I'll find a way
'Cause I know that somewhere
My soul mate is waiting for me
Gonna make it through the day
I'll find a way
I'll be okay
Sozzi - Letting Go
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
I still recall the words you said to me
It's what you did not say that sets me free
Now how can I find peace of mind when you keep coming back again?
It's not okay for you to play this game of seesaw with my head
Now it hurts too much
And it hits too hard
And I won't play this part
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
So now I say the things I want to say
Sometimes it's better letting go this way
I'll always know
Down in my soul
We really had so far to go
I've given all I had to give
And now it's time for me to live
And I won't look back
And I won't regret
Though hurts like hell
Someday I will forget
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
To say that you've been thinkin
Cause I know it's just the drinkin
It's funny how we seem to end up here
I never thought I'd see this soul disappear
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
And this is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go
This is letting go
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
Don't call me
Don't write
Don't show up in the middle of the night
You know that
We needed
Some time and space to breathe
To say that you've been thinking
Cause I know it's just the drinking
"Goodbye To You"
Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears form behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Looks like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend and I say
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems like I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes till you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light but it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
We the stars fall and I lie awake
Your my shooting star
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