caylee22505's Xanga

Goodbye 2006...

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 04:39:47 GMT

So generally i do a year in review of the previous year. So I figure I've done it online for the last few years, so why stop now.

This has been the hardest year in full for me. I've had rough spots in the past that were a lot harder than some of the spots this year, but it seemed as though this year was a never ending repeat of bad spots. No, I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm just telling the facts. Although I have had plenty of good things as well.

I started a new job that has given me opportunity after opportunity. I've gained more friends than I could ask for. I've lost contact with some along the way. I've been disappointed, cried more times than I ever have, and gotten over some of the biggest hurdles in my life. I took off in my car in October and drove 8 1/2 hours by myself to Alabama. I grew so much and learned a lot about myself in the hours I was on the road (especially when the weather stretched my trip home to take 12 hours). I drove through some of the most beautiful scenary, stopped along the way, took pictures. I felt the Georgia rain. I got over things I never knew I'd be able to. I moved on. I'm more of a person that I was before this year.

I realize there's so much to be thankful for. But you know those times that people try to cheer you up and you just don't want to be? I'm to a point when it comes to discussing the year prior, that I just want to complain about it because it wasn't perfect, it wasn't what it needed to be. I gave up time and time again. I found out who my true friends were. I saw who was there for me when I needed htem the most. And it's suprising when you find that out. It's ironic, too, because I've found from the past year that the people that I least expect to be there are the ones who were. And in return the ones that you expect the most from are the ones who let you down in the long run.

I give everything my all. And I don't know, it just seems to me that what I put into things I don't get anything from it. And I don't plan on changing. But it's an unusual feeling. It's that same empty feeling of being lonely.

But again, I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm thankful for a lot. I've seen almost 20 years of a better life that most people only ask for. I've grown closer to my family than I've ever been. I have a set of friends that are dependable and the greatest things ever. I saw weddings, engagements, and babies galore this year. The bad did outweigh the good at some points. But I'm still grateful for all that I have and are able to do and see.

I don't ask for much. I'm a pretty simple girl. I have a complex mind, but a simple heart.

I just ask to get in return what I give in 2007. I want someone to see and understand my complex mind and simple heart. And a better year. I just want to be content.

So, don't cry to me.
If you loved me, you would be here with me.
You love me, come find me.
Make up your mind.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 02:06:35 GMT

I'm pretty sure that this is the longest that I've ever gone without posting on xanga. Although I have a myspace and such, I haven't given up hope on xanga. It is nearly only reached it's popularity as it was when i first started writing on here. The good thing is, the entire community won't be reading this post, unlike those for the past year or so.

My last post was my last from school, almost two and half months ago. And now I have 24 days until I return back to transyland. I'm not quite ready, although after spending the earlier part of the week in Lexington and Winchester, i'm more ready than I was before. But I'm still not ready for that whole responsibility and growing up bit. *sigh* and also not ready for tests and papers and the such. But the sooner I go back, the sooner it's over. And as funny as it sounds, I'm ready for the real world. I like school, I like transy, for that matter. And I like everything that college life entails. but at the same time I can't help but be ready for the real world, to be out of school and have a real job and whatnot. I'm ready to be settled, as crazy as that sounds.

I feel like i've finally gotten settled back into a routine at home, and i'm about ready to turn around and go back. *shrugs* figures, eh?

I've been working a lot this summer, although not as much as last year, thankfully. But comparing summer of '05 to summer of '06 is odd. I have to admit, although last summer I worked a lot more, i had a lot more fun. I enjoyed myself more. But I've taken on a whole lot more responsibility this summer, so I'm hoping that that means that since i'm now used to this whole responsible bit that next summer (i always say "next" ...and it's upsetting to think that there's not going to be many more "next" free summers) will be better.

So all in all, i'm rambling about nothing. Mainly, I'm alive. and well for the most part. and that's all that you xangans need to know.

g'night.

Leaving Lex Vegas... Home here I come...

Tue, 23 May 2006 03:27:56 GMT

So I'm bored out of my mind because the only thing left in my room for entertainment is textbooks and a television. Almost everyone has either left, they're already in bed, or they're slackers and still packing. My room is cold, empty and echo-y, and I'm having some hardcore flashbacks to the very beginning of the school year when I moved in early and was in my room alone for 3 days.

I'm ready to come home. Really, I am....just not for 3 full months. I don't deal with change very well. and this would be one more instance. I know I've already said all of this. So I'll stop soon. But I don't want to leave and come back to things being different. It is really like graduating all over again.

I ate food in Lauren and Jessie's room for the last time tonight. It was really depressing to me. This is the last night that I can go in there and us goof off. *tear* so sue me, I dont' like change.

But all in all this year has been in incredible whirlwind. I've grown in every way possible and made some friends that will last a lifetime. I've had my year full of ups and downs and inbetweens. But I have been happier here. This place really allows me to grow and be[come] exactly who i am and want to be. I love it. *sigh*

So here I am, my last hours at Transy... cheers to the year past and all the memories and the summer ahead, and all of hte ones to come. *clink*

***

Here's to the nights we felt alive

Here's to the tears we knew we'd cry

Here's to goodbye tomorrow is gonna come too soon...

I figured something out tonight...

Thu, 11 May 2006 04:25:34 GMT

I found thatt probably one of the worst feelings in the world is when you see one of your best friends throwing herself at the guy that you're into. and yeah, sidenote, she knows about it. oh and another sidenote, he was into you that night...but then she came along... *sigh* that's just not cool. I dont' care who says it, but high school drama doesn't leave just because you actually leave high school.

i'm so ready to be home again.

Yeah, I'm still alive ... and still in Sexy Lexi

Mon, 08 May 2006 03:23:23 GMT

So all the UK kiddies moved out this weekend. So it's just us Transy folk in Lexington now. I'm here for another 2 1/2 weeks. Then it's home for the summer, and back at good 'ole BCC. I'm kinda excited actually. I now really have a decent reason to work there other than just to get a paycheck. I've decided (and it's almost official) that I'm doing the hospitality studies of business administration. So here's to the rest of my life spent doing stuff like i do at the club. lol. But it feels good, to have my major (and minor!) finally figured out and be happy with it. I'm just glad that I'm not the type to change often. I feel sorry for the friends that I have that are on their 5th major already and we're only finishing up our first year. So it's official (or almost). In 3 years I'll graduate with a degree in Business Administration with an emphasis in Hospitality and a minor in Communications. So there ya have it, xanga land. Cayce's gonna be in the real world sooner than you think.

It's odd, this whole college thing. Because with each passing year (or at least at smaller schools) it's like graduating all over again. The emotions that I feel right now are the same that I felt this time last year. This has become my home now. Room 449 is my home. Chelsea is across the hall, Emily's next to me, Lauren and Jessie are across and down two. Next year, I won't be able to bang on Chelsea's door to see if an outfit looks okay, or to run to Lauren and Jessie's to see if they want to order food since the caf was disappointing that night. Jessie won't even be in Lexington. It's sad. Because I've gotten so used to this little world of 4th back (my hall) that I don't want to leave it. It's like I'm moving out of my house and out of Russell all over again. I'd be perfectly content with everything staying the same. I don't want the seniors to leave. I don't feel like I know them well enough to let them go. *sigh* I just don't want things to change again. I'm kinda getting sick of that, actually. I'm getting tired of everything changing and knowing that it's never going to be the same again. I guess that plays into that whole growing up thing, huh?

The last month has been exciting, nonetheless. It's been my typical month for this time of year, full of ups and downs and in betweens. As much as I love it here, I am ready to be home for a bit. I miss my dogs and my best friend. And the routine of it all. and just the small town life itself.

I won't get into details. Those only get boring after a while. But I'm excited even as my first year here is winding down. I'd post pictures, but my dern camera broke and it's been shipped off for surgery at Sears Hospital.

So xangaland, have a good one. And take some time to smell the pretty spring flowers.

***

And it's amazing
With the look in your eyes
Like you could save me
But you won't even try
And then you tell me again
How everything will be alright

And if I told you
That I'm sorry
Would you tell me that you were wrong
Or would you hold me down forever
If I came to your for answers

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly
If baby you'd just rescue me now

And I'm surrounded
You spill
All alive and brand new
And I'll forget about you long enough
To forget why I need to

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly if
Baby you'd just rescue me now

The days are
Drifting away from me
I still wake up
Burning through everything
And it's all I know
Somebody save me now

And I saw
Pictures in my head
But I swear I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly if
Baby you'd just rescue me now
Ohhhh
Pictures in my head
I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly if
Baby you'd just rescue me now

I wish I knew exactly what to say...

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 02:28:19 GMT

So I could be the girl that takes your breath away...*

Friday, April 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 16:23:34 GMT

Last day of classes! woohoo!

AND it is absolutely b-e-a-utiful outside...it's going to make for a nice journey home. I'm taking Callie home as well, so not only is it going to be a pretty ride home, but a un-lonely one as well.

yay for spring!

How long until May Term? :-/

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 17:28:48 GMT

So for the first time ever, I got all of the classes that I wanted at the times that I wanted them, and I only staked out in front of the Registrar's office for 1 1/2 hours. (some people were there almost 3. yikes. aaaand they didn't get the classes they wanted like i did ) And for the first time, I'll have class on Tuesday/Thursday. My earliest class in the fall is at 11. how awesome is that? after having an 8:30 this semester, I think it's well deserved to start that late. MWF -- Foundations of Computer Science @ 11:30-12:20; Argumentation and Debate @ 1:30 - 2:20. T/Th -- Accounting 1 @ 11-12:15; Macroeconomics @ 1:30-2:45. So I start around 11 and i'm done around 2:30 every day. I'm pretty darn excited.

I have one more week left in this term. And I'm scared for finals. But hopefully things will work out the way they're supposed to, and I don't get too far over my head in work in the next two weeks. I'm so excited for May Term. I can't wait. *sigh* And I want it to be spring, soon. I'm sick of wearing sweatshirts! i want warm!

I'm alive. that's all I came to say.

g'day all

***

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Monday, March 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 23:49:54 GMT

It's been almost a month since I've written on here. That's odd for me. I remember when I first started this I was religious about it. It was almost every day that I made a new post. But I don't really find the time anymore, or enough interesting things to write about. But I thought since it'd been almost a month (and i REALLY don't want to study right now) that I'd update to let all of you xangans know that I'm still alive and kickin'.

I have three more weeks until the end of the term, and I am so ready for this term to be over with. The next three weeks are going to be sooo hectic and crazy. And if i get through them and still have a semi-decent gpa at the end of it, i'll consider myself lucky. I have a test and a 4-6 page paper due wednesday, and a 20 page paper and a 8-10 page paper, and a homework set for business all due on friday. *tear* So basically I won't see the light of day until Friday night. Wow, that made no sense at all. I think you know what I mean, though.

Oh spring needs to get here. because spring means may term, which means almost the end of school, which means summer, which means working at home and not doing schoolwork. Don't get me wrong, i love it here. But i'm so sick of the work. BLAH. i'm ready for crazy, lazy summer. *sigh* And i know that with summer comes work at the club, but i'm actually not dreading it this year.

So yeah. There's not really a point to this, other than to let the xangan world know that I'm alive. so g'day, all.

***

He's everything you want, he's everything you need. He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have and cannonball into the water. Oh I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have, for you I will, for you I will. You always want what you can't have, but I've got to try.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:13:17 GMT

so xanga is slowly losing the fight to myspace and facebook. and that makes me sad. waaay too many people at school have myspace, so even though I have it, I don't really use it for blogging. So I'm going to continue to use xanga. I was one of the first to use it, and so i guess i'll be one of the lasts, too.

so this week has been pretty crazy/hectic. lots and lots of homework. had a w.t. young interviewee stay with me thursday and friday. dealt with a lot of personal crap, which i finally realized was crap. so i kinda cut myself off from the world monday night and reentered on friday. it was for the best. and i feel a lot better now. or at least that's what i'm telling myself over and over again. I registered for may term (which i'm SO excited about. yay!) but this week is going to be bad. we've all deemed it the week from hell. i have an 8 page paper and 2 tests this week. which i know, doesn't sound bad, but just take my word for it. it's going to be.

so i've really started slacking off in the academic areas. but i'm so fed up with school that i don't really care. I will after break. I think that's my problem. I'm ready for a break, even though my spring break will be spent working on my final paper and my presentation. but i just need to get out of the transy bubble so bad. don't get me wrong. I love it here. so much. but i need a break.

so 5 days until spring break. i'm pretty darn excited.

our basketball team made it to the sweet sixteen of the NCAA tournament. a bunch of people want to go up and watch their game on friday. so that may call for a roadtrip, possibly... hmm... our basketball games the last 2 weekends have been insane. last weekend was the HCAC tournament. our team's goal was to win it, and they did. and it was one of hte best games i have ever watched, including D1 games. then this weekend we hosted the first and second rounds of the tournament. we weren't supposed to win because we're ranked 20th. and we definatly won friday night (with a sold out crowd and an appearance by tubby smith) and went on last night to beat out the #3 team in the nation. That game was incredible. and THAT was the game i classify as the best game i've ever watched. we won by 3 points. and the last 5 seconds lasted like 15 minutes. it was great. i love going to a school that has so much pride and school spirit. it's amazing how fast you gain loyalty to a school. i was definatly sportin' the crimson and white and right in the middle of the student section. it was fun. so much fun. and kinda sad that the games here are over

okay so that was a very long ramble about stuff most don't care about. lol. oh well.

but in a nutshell, i'm alive and well. *sigh*

so i guess i'll end it at that.

so g'night all. happy monday.

***

Postcards and letters
And pictures made to last forever
To be boxed up and tossed away
Knickknacks and souvenirs
In an afternoon, they're out of here
They'll disappear without a trace
But what they mean to me
Can never be replaced

I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

Intestates and old songs
Like time they go on and on
I guess I could learn to do the same
I could wake up without you
These two arms not around you
Tell myself it's meant to be this way
No matter how I try I can't change

I can't unthink about you
I can't unfeel your touch
I can't unhear all the words
Unsay all the things
That used to mean so much
I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you

I wish I could unremember
Everything my heart's been through
And finding out it's impossible to do
Oh, oh, it's no use
I can't unlove you